27 Tries
by lil-anonymous-girl
Summary: Zoro's asked Sanji to marry him 27 times. Because, you know, the 27th times the charm. Z/S
1. The First Five Tries

Title: 27 Tries  
Chapter: 1/6 (Planned for 6 anyway)  
Pairing: Sanji x Zoro  
Warnings: Zoro may seem slightly OC and **this work contains **_**shounen-ai**_** as in there is/will be **_**a guy liking/loving another guy**_**.**

_Crossposted to the zosan community via my livejournal account._

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece. All characters belong rightfully to Oda Echiro.

* * *

Attempt 1: During an epic battle with an enemy pirate crew (_*Note: Not to be confused with Attempt 6_)

He blamed it on the adrenaline. Then he blamed himself for being weak enough to blame it on the adrenaline in the first place. He was Roronoa Zoro! He didn't beat around the bush like some pansy.

Which is probably why he asked Sanji to marry him while they stood back to back in the center of a circle, surrounded by five hundred of their current enemies best men. Poor bastards never stood a chance.

And apparently neither, did Zoro. Sanji just gave him a flat look and said no.

Attempt 1 - FAILURE  
Status: Back to Usopp's drawing board.  
Zoro notes: Damn. Stupid love cook probably wanted something more _romantic_.

* * *

Attempt 2: Aided by Flowers

To be fair, he honestly thought girls liked flowers. Well that's what all the books said anyway. Of course then again, the girls he _did_ know, were Tashigi, Nami, Kuina, and Robin, and of those 4, 2 were more interested in swords then flowers, Nami would only appreciate it if said flower was made from Beli, and Robin… well Robin could appreciate a flower or two but she was more interested in ruins, history, and books about history. So he supposed that really should have been his first hint that he should just fuck the flowers and go on to Attempt 3.

But hey, swirly brow always gave flowers to ladies so he'd _probably_ appreciate it.

So Zoro walked up to Sanji while they were finishing getting ready to leave, shoved the flowers at him and asked him again.

Sanji looked at the poor attempt at a bouquet (they were scraggly and wilting and more than half dead and _probably_ would have been cute but wasn't that a-) and screamed in a very high pitched, unmanly manner, before dropping it and scrambling up to the ship.

Zoro looked confusedly after the rapidly retreating figure before picking up the bouquet and finding the little spider nestled within it.

Laughing loudly he supposed that the only way to interpret such a reaction was as a no.

Attempt 2 - FAILURE  
Status: Back to Usopp's drawing board.  
Zoro notes: Well fuck that! It was worth it to see the bastard scream like a girl. And hey- I always thought it was weird that people thought giving dead things to other people was considered to be romantic. Poor taste the lot of them.

* * *

Attempt 3: Aided by Chocolate

Because his last attempt hadn't worked so well, he figured he needed a different course of action. So naturally, this one involved chocolates. (Because in his mind, the idiot love cook was more inclined to just agree if his was of asking was somewhat romantic.)

The problem was, there was a _lot_ of damn chocolate to choose from. Dark, Milk, White, with nuts, fruits, nuts _and_ fruits, caramel, unsweetened, bittersweet, semi-sweet… it just went on and on and what the hell did you need so many flavours for anyway? Figures- cooks were always making everything complicated, with their cooking and morals, choice of clothing and _with relationship_ _matters_-

Zoro paused with his internal rant and snapped out of his self-justified brooding long enough to stare questioningly at the block of chocolate before him. It was just that- a simple block that could've been mistaken for a brick in size and shape, and from what Zoro understood, was specifically designed to be used in cooking. Well. Wasn't that handy? After all, he needed chocolate, Sanji was a cook, and therefore this… cooking chocolate was the perfect solution.

Zoro felt proud.

…Well he did until he presented it to the ero-cook, asked again, and was promptly shot down. After Sanji took the chocolate.

Attempt 3 – FAILURE  
Status: Back to Usopp's drawing board.  
Zoro notes: Stupid cook… if he was going to refuse I want my chocolate back! Not that I know what to do with it, but hey, you never know when you'll need a block of milk chocolate. Like when distracting Luffy.

* * *

Attempt 4: A Romantic Dinner for Two

Ok, this just had to work. It was so cliché it almost made him want to gag. Oh wait. He actually _did_ just gag. But he was Roronoa Zoro and he was anything if not persistent.

He was wearing a freshly washed shirt (which had the holes patched and as few blood stains as possible) and had resigned himself to being polite (he wouldn't call Sanji any names).

Just then Sanji walked in.

"Oi, Marimo. What's all this?" He had an incredulous look on his face. That was good right?

"Dinner."

"And just where did you get the food?" He couldn't read Sanji's expression. Probably trying to get over the shock.

"From our provisions." Did Sanji just twitch?

"And _how_ did you prepare it?"

"Nami helped me." Stupid sea witch charged him a fortune for it too.

"And _why_ have you done all this?" Yeah, he was definitely twitching.

"Because I wanna ask you to marry me and you like things like romantic dinners and crap right?"

"So let me get this straight," Oh. Well. That can't be good. Sanji's got that I'm-_so _-going-to-kick-your-ass look on his face. "You used up our _provisions_ when we're still a week away from the nearest island, then asked the beautiful Nami-swan to _cook _said provisions, then call _this _a romantic dinner all so that you could ask me to_ marry_ you?"

"Yup, that pretty much summarizes it." Sanji kicked him. Hard.

"Baka Marimo"

"…Is that a no?"

Sanji just kicked him again.

Then stormed off to the men's room. (But not before taking the nicely laid out food and storing what he could and bringing back what couldn't with him to eat- he didn't want his precious Nami-swan's love made food to go to waste of course!)

Attempt 4 – FAILURE  
Status: Back to Usopp's drawing board.  
Zoro notes: _None available. Probably because he was knocked unconscious._

Attempt 5: After a Walk on the Beach

In the romance novel he had borrowed from Robin (because Robin was marginally better than Nami and wouldn't charge him) that he'd forced himself to read for tips after his last 4 attempts had failed, the protagonist proposes to his latest love after a romantic walk on the beach.

Tch. Well, why the hell not right?

"Hey shit cook." He picked up his pace.

"What?" Sanji kicked a little sand backwards.

"Marry me?" Sanji tripped a little. Zoro glanced in his direction but otherwise didn't slow down.

"Shitty swordsman-"

"What, ero-cook?"

"-We're running down the beach-"

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

"-With a happily sleeping captain slung between us, who passed out after practically cleaning out this town's supermarket-"

"Are you doing a running narrative? Because I'm right here you know, so I don't need you to tell me."

"-While a crowd of angry townspeople chase us-"

"Is this some sort of game where you point out the obvious? Because, for one, that's a stupid game and for another, now is definitely not a good time to be playing it."

"-And you're pea sized brain decided NOW was an appropriate time to propose?"

"I thought people proposed after romantic walks on the beach?"

"Are you brain dead? What about this is romantic?"

"Well we're on a beach and… running is just a faster version of walking right? So shut up and appreciate my attempts swirly brow."

"…When we get back, I am so kicking your ass, moss head."

"Another no? Pain in the ass cook…"

"Oh, and Usopp wants his drawing board back."

Attempt 5 – FAILURE  
Status: Back to Usopp's drawing board. (Which I am NOT giving back yet.)  
Zoro notes: Well screw this romantic shit. This stuff's for wuss's who most certainly are not Roronoa Zoro, greatest swordsman in the world (to be). I'm trying something different next time.

* * *

_To Be Continued…_


	2. 6 Through 9

Title: 27 Tries  
Chapter: 2/6 (Planned for 6 anyway)  
Pairing: Sanji x Zoro  
Warnings: Zoro may seem slightly OC and **this work contains **_**shounen-ai**_** as in there is/will be **_**a guy liking/loving another guy**_**.**

_Crossposted to the zosan community via my livejournal account._

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece. All characters belong rightfully to Oda Echiro.

Author's note: The tentacle guy isn't mine either actually. I believe it belongs to luco_millian on LJ and has simply decided to make a little cameo in Attempt 8. Hope nobody minds.

Author's note 2: Thank you to everybody who reviewed last time- it made me really happy! : D To be honest, I wasn't sure if I could really write any type of slash fanfic (not because I was morally torn or anything, I just didn't know have any idea for one that would work and still be in character) so I'm really grateful. I can totally feel the love. : )

* * *

Attempt 6: During the not-quite-as-epic-but-far-more-common battle with the marines (_*Note: Not to be confused with Attempt 1_)

He was a man that trusted his instincts and so far, that had gone pretty well. (Well sure, most of the time when his instincts screamed left he was _supposed_ to go right, but navigating was for witches like Nami who's only few things in common with him included the fact that they were nakama on this crazy crew, and that they were both going to hell. And if she wasn't, he was pushing her down.)

And his instincts trusted Luffy.

So when he found himself in the familiar position with his back to Sanji's while being surrounded by marines, he asked himself, '_What would Luffy do?_'

Thinking back on it, his brain froze and he let the memory erase itself because nobody wants to relive certain moments and asking oneself what their captain would do pertaining to proposal matters was one of them.

At the time though, Luffy logic dictated that if Plan A doesn't work then just keep going with Plan A until something changes and it does work because Luffy logic never really had a Plan B, just Plan A and Plan A variations.

So Zoro waited for just the right moment (when the adrenaline was at full rush, his heart was beating in his ears, and the marines would start attacking in the next second) before asking.

"Hey shit cook,"

"Marimo, if you're asking me to marry you NOW the answer, just like last time, will be no because the only thing that's changed is who we're fighting."

"…You could've let me finish."

Attempt 6 – FAILURE  
Status: Back to Usopp's drawing board (which I am now officially commandeering and thus placing in a hidden spot to keep Usopp from finding.)  
Zoro notes: I don't care what anyone says, I did not run off to sulk after the battle! And if I did it's only because the stupid princess interrupted me.  
Zoro notes (part 2): Heh. But I did get one more marine than he did. Serves that ero-cook right.

* * *

Attempt 7: After Attempting to Cook

Let it never be said that he didn't love the idiot. Ever. And if someone ever does, than he was personally going to hunt the person down to oni giri their ass.

It had cost him both legs (not an arm and a leg because damn it he still hadn't beat Mihawk and he'd need both his arms for that) to get Nami to distract Sanji for half the day by bringing him along to shop. (Tch. She was probably already planning on asking Sanji to be a pack mule; he was just sweetening the deal by adding to her already fat wallet. Bitch.)

Then, it had cost him no small amount of his dignity to ask Robin to _help_ him with such a girly task.

He wondered if this would be worth it.

He'd spent the morning under Robin's watchful eye trying to put together a decent soup to offer the cook because if there was one thing he knew about the aho-cook it was that he liked cooking. Which was probably why Sanji filled in the cook position of the ship. Shut up. Chopping onions was clearly affecting his brain.

"Oi, was it supposed to start smoking?"

"I do not believe so swordsman-san."

"Hn. Why does it smell burnt?"

"I believe I warned you not to put anything in yet. Did you by chance slip something in?"

"How could I? All the ingredients are still sitting on the counter." Robin blinked as she grasped the situation.

"Ah. Then I believe you to be a very… _unique_ cook, swordsman-san."

"What the hell's that supposed to me-"

"Oi! Why does it smell like something's… Marimo! What the hell did you do?"

"I'm making soup for lunch."

"Why are _you_ cooking? _And why is it burning_?"

"Because you were gone, you got pissed last time I asked one of the girls to cook, and I was hoping I'd surprise you so that I could ask you to marry me. Again."

"_That's what this is about? _Has your brain grown moss to match the color of your hair, shit swordsman?You've _ruined_ my utensils and burnt-" Sanji crossed the galley's floor to peer inside the pot, only to stare at its contents incredulously. When he spoke again, his voice was deathly calm. "Zoro, _how the hell_ did you manage to burn _water_?"

Zoro promptly answered with an, "Um…"

Sanji promptly answered with a kick to the head, sending him flying out of the galley. This was followed by a string of profanities shouted in his general direction.

Robin walked out of the galley a few moments later to pat the dazed swordsman consolingly on the head.

"On the bright side swordsman-san, I do believe cook-san was _very_ surprised."

Attempt 7 – FAILURE  
Status: Back to Usopp's drawing board.  
Zoro notes: …Yeah, it definitely wasn't worth it.

* * *

Attempt 8: After Bringing Back a Particularly Impressive Catch

There had been a clear flaw in his get-Sanji-to-agree-to-marry-me-by-applying-romantic-shit plan. It was so obvious! Romantic shit like that was for _women_, so obviously, he just needed a plan that would surely impress the _male_ cook!

One of the best ways to impress Sanji was simply by cooking. He should know since he'd been dragged into this restaurant or that restaurant after a particularly impressive or odd combination was used and the stupid love cook just _had_ to know why or how.

But he couldn't use this technique because he'd already tried this one and while he had no problem simply trying again, swirly brow had gone to great lengths to reinforce the fact that he was banned from the kitchen- he'd been eating out on the deck for the past two weeks since the paranoid asshole refused to even let him into the galley. And while he was positive that Sanji'd get over the incident _eventually_, it was clearly obvious that another course of action would have to be taken.

Therefore the solution was to bring the chef something incredible back as he tried to find his way back to the ship after wandering around through this damn jungle. (The hell? Didn't he just pass this plant?)

It made sense. After all cooks liked cooking, utensils, and ingredients. So since he was banned from the kitchen and far, _far_, away from anything even remotely resembling civilization, there really was only one option left.

"Hm… But what would that aho-cook like?"

A half hour later he came across a… thing with tentacles. Lots and lots of tentacles. He knocked it unconscious and dragged it along with him.

"Hn. But last time we ran into something with this many tentacles it tried to rape Sanji. If that happens _again_ the asshole will just get pissed. Better find something else too."

So he wandered around a little more (god damn it he DID just pass that plant) until he found another… thing. That greatly resembled a giant spider. So he knocked this one out too and dragged it beside the other one.

Feeling accomplished, he picked a direction and hoped that this one would bring him back to the ship.

It didn't. It did however bring him to a giant lake (why was there a lake in the middle of a jungle? The hell did he care? He dealt with swords, inspiring but crazy captains, shitty cooks, crazy nakama and fighting things- not the particular locations of bodies of water,) where a fish had the gall to attack him. So he killed it then shrugged and lugged it along with the other two unconscious things he was bringing along from earlier.

Eventually, he did manage to make his way back to the ship and upon finding the cook promptly bestowed upon him the fish (because Sanji _liked_ fish) and asked him again.

Sanji was giving him a glassy, something-amazingly-good-just-happened look (which he usually only got after sex) and he couldn't help it; he thought that the damn cook was finally, _finally_ going to say yes.

Of course not.

Instead he just told Zoro that this particular fish was native only to a specific area in West Blue so it served to prove that All Blue really was out there and waiting for him and that he supposed for helping him be just a little closer to accomplishing his dream, Zoro could come eat in the galley again.

So it wasn't a total loss, and while Sanji was beaming happily at Zoro, Zoro decided that now was a good time to present Sanji with his _other_ two gifts.

Predictably the spider thing scared the living shit out of Sanji.

Predictably the tentacle thing tried to rape Sanji until Luffy gomu gomu no pistol'd it's (and the spider thing's) ass out into the sea.

Predictably Sanji was pissed.

So Zoro was in the doghouse again with still no "yes" from Sanji. Damn.

But at least he got to eat in the galley with the others again.

Attempt 8 – FAILURE  
Status: Back to Usopp's drawing board.  
Zoro notes: From this attempt I got to eat in the galley again but Sanji also cut off all sex with me for a week. Sanji got another clue that All Blue really does exist but then had to deal with a tentacle monster and a giant spider. So really, nobody wins. Except Luffy, because he sent the two things flying and got a cookie as a reward.

* * *

Attempt 9: During Dinner

Dinner with the Straw Hat pirates was always rushed. One learned to eat fast or have the captain eat it for you.

On the bright side Sanji never worried about food going to waste.

So really, when he thought back on it, dinner time was definitely not the time to be asking Sanji to marry him.

…Hindsight's a bitch.

It was a usual day for the Straw hat pirates. They got up, raised anchor, kept Luffy from drowning, entertained themselves, kept Luffy from destroying the ship, marines attacked, marines got their asses kicked, kept Luffy from cleaning out the provisions… a normal day.

By the time dinner rolled around, Zoro had worked up a greater appetite than usual (because he had to go fish Luffy out a couple more times than usual) and was looking forward to dinner for two reasons:

1) He was hungry, (hey, he might be insanely strong with some weird genetic mutation which allowed him to produce massive amounts of blood to counter the many accounts of blood loss he went through, but he was still only human) and,

2) He figured now was a good time to ask Sanji again.

Thus, feeling confident he sat down at his usual spot and began to dig in to the food placed in front of him (which was neither as elegantly placed or aesthetically pleasing as the girls' was, but whatever, food was food) while pondering when the timing would be right to ask again.

Zoro logic dictated that asking now, in the middle of dinner, with his nakama sitting all around him, was the best time to ask. And Zoro was Zoro, so naturally he succumbed to Zoro logic.

"Shit cook,"

"What asshole?"

"Marry me."

The reaction was instantaneous-

- Chopper's eyes bugged out –

- Nami choked on the wine she'd been sipping –

- Usopp immediately fell into defense mode and began stuttering out a lie about how he quite suddenly remembered how he had some place- _that was not here_- to be –

- Robin looked amused –

- And Luffy ate everyone's food while they were all distracted.

Sanji of course threw a hissy fit when he saw that his delicate Nami-swan was potentially in danger because of something that he had said, and promptly kicked him out of the galley.

"Oi dart-brow! At least give me an an-"

Sanji slammed the galley door.

"swer."

Zoro went off to train grumbling about how if he had known he'd end up dating a woman he would have liked one with bigger breasts and less mood swings.

Attempt 9 – FAILURE  
Status: Back to Usopp's drawing board (which is now in a more hidden location than before because of Usopp's impatience at getting it back)  
Zoro notes: Damnit! I should have waited until after dinner… Luffy ate the rest of my food and the moody princess was too pissed to make me anything afterwards.  
Luffy notes: Shishishi… good job Zoro! Do it again at breakfast tomorrow morning- Nami and Robin always have especially good looking food in the mornings that I want to try.

* * *

_To Be Continued…_


	3. The Tenth Time

Title: 27 Tries  
Chapter: 3/7 (Planned for 6 but then… life happened.)  
Pairing: Sanji x Zoro  
Warnings: Zoro may seem slightly OOC and **this work contains **_**shounen-ai**_** as in there is/will be **_**a guy liking/loving another guy**_**.  
**_Crossposted to the zosan community via my livejournal account._

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece. All characters belong rightfully to Oda Echiro.

Author's note: I'm not dead! I know it's been a long time since this fic was last updated (like a year… or two) but don't give up dear readers! I'm slow and writer's block _sucks_ and I know this doesn't exactly make things better because I said I'd be done in 6 chapters and now I won't be but here's the tenth time. For those people who liked this enough to keep reading it.

* * *

Attempt 10: While he's preparing dinner

"Honestly? I'm starting to think I should just permanently ban you from the galley."

"What? Why?"

"Why do you think shithead? Oh wait. I forgot that you obviously-"

"'Don't'? That comeback's getting _old_ shit cook. Try using a little creativity."

"-_can't_ considering how there's a vast amount of open space between your ears-"

"Oh, like _that's _creative."

"-which is the unfortunate result of a combination of you _obviously_ being dropped on the head as a baby-"

"I was _not_ dropped on the head when I was a kid!" But ifhe _was _then he was even more of a bad ass than he had originally thought- fresh out of the womb and already capable of withstanding potentially fatal hits!

"-and the amount of times you hit your head in battle, killing off all the brain cells that _would_ have taken up that space and leaving-"

"Oi cook, I said a _little_ creativity." That bastard. This was just another prime example of how he _never_ listened to him!

"-two pathetic brain cells, which _somehow_ managed to survive the abuse, to exist all alone in that _empty space_-"

"I get it. Proposing while you were preparing dinner was a bad idea. Feel free to stop anytime soon." Seriously, didn't the swirly-browed pervert need to breathe?

"-where they have to work overtime rubbing together so that you can perform the most _basic_ of tasks leaving the capability to _think_ pretty low on the list of priorities."

"How was I supposed to know that you'd be so surprised by the proposal- which you _shouldn't_ be, by the way, because this is my _tenth_ attempt- that you'd unknowingly add mushrooms to the dish which Usopp just happens to be allergic to?"

Lying in the bed set up in sickbay, where the two had been standing beside during their argument, Usopp groaned and sat up, effectively cutting off Sanji's response and halting the conversation.

"Fatally allergic. I'm fatally allergic to mushrooms."

Zoro snorted. "Usopp, you're fatally allergic to _everything_."

"My throat swelled up and I couldn't breathe. That actually constitutes as 'fatally allergic'."

"I already said I was sorry! And besides it's not really _my_ fault- the shit cook's the one who _put_ the mushrooms in the dish in the first place!"

"_My_ fault-" Sanji spluttered.

"You're the one who distracted him. Why did you think it was a good idea to propose while he was prepping dinner anyway?" At this Sanji looked delighted.

"You forget Usopp, that he obviously _can't_ think…"

And as Sanji then proceeded to give a very detailed, very _long_ description as to why _not_, Zoro decided he hated them both.

Attempt 10 – FAILURE  
Status: Back to Usopp's drawing board.  
Zoro notes: You know what? I'm not sorry. This is what Usopp gets for trying to take back his drawing board when I am obviously not done using it. Which I maintain is _also_ the bastard cooks fault, by the way (because he _still_ hasn't said _yes_ the godddamn _bastard_.)

* * *

_To Be Continued…_


End file.
